He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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