Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
