Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
