Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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