I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
