Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
