fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
