I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
