i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
