How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
