Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
