I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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