I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
