im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
