Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
