Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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