We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
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Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
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My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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