I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
