3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
