you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
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You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.