I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.