these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.