Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"