people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.