3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
