i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?