I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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