Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm always down for nudity.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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