mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
