if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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