she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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