She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
