Moan for me like Helen Keller
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We don't watch enough power rangers
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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