i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i love accidental penises.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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