Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
