The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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