it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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