I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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