I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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