So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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