There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
