I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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