Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
