I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
