I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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