chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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