I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
