just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
