I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
