i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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