I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
