I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
