I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
