I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
