is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
