is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
