It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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