forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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