Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
