A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
