i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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