We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
