she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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