I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
