ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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