Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
