I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
