Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
