turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
