Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
