I just threw up on my dentist
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
