I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
