You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
