She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
