Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
