I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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