we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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