my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
