No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's always time for handjobs
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
