Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
