the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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